


Robin's Fault, really

by Waywardwiz



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Drinking, Feelings, Fluff, M/M, Porn With Plot, those pesky feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 13:30:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6196888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waywardwiz/pseuds/Waywardwiz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yes, when day comes he needs to know that it isn’t on him that he got so drunk that making out with Barney, that sleeping with Barney, seemed like a good idea. But for now he will just enjoy the thrill, the pleasure, the flickers of Barney’s boozy smiles when he leans back a bit to look at Ted, a softness in his eyes that makes Ted both uncomfortable and all warm inside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Robin's Fault, really

It is all Robin’s fault, really. If she would just think about what she said on her show, if she would quit just saying all those “but, um”’s”, if she hadn’t become the inspiration for the drinking game of some college kids – why were they out playing that game, by the way, it was a school night? – Ted and Barney wouldn’t be in this situation. But they are and there is no way to take it back. Not that Ted would want to, he muses drunkenly and draws in a sharp, pained breath as Barney’s warm tongue scrapes across the sensitive skin of his throat, blonde hair tickling his cheek. No, he doesn’t want to at all. He just needs to convince himself that what has transpired on his couch not so long ago – oh my God, Barney is biting his earlobe, since when does Ted have such receptive ears – isn’t his fault and that he is an innocent in all this. When the morning comes he will be glad to have found someone on whom to put the blame. When he will have to face the harsh light of day with a raging hangover and the lingering touches of Barney’s hands beneath his clothes. Yes, when day comes he needs to know that it isn’t on him that he got so drunk that making out with Barney, that sleeping with Barney, seemed like a good idea. But for now he will just enjoy the thrill, the pleasure, the flickers of Barney’s boozy smiles when he leans back a bit to look at Ted, a softness in his eyes that makes Ted both uncomfortable and all warm inside.

How did they even get here?

 _“that’s great, but, um”_  
“but, um!”  
“nice”  
_“this wasn’t your first spelling bee, was it?”_  
“nope, third”  
“oh, good for you, but, um”  
“But, um!”  
_“But, um But, um But, um But, um But, um But, um But, um But, um But, um But, um But, um”_

He faintly remembers Barney and himself totally dissolved in hysteric giggling, leaning heavily against each other, as Robin kept unknowingly digging that hole for them, the one they didn’t even know that they would fall into before it was too late. They lost count of how many times Robin had said “but, um” and everything started happening in flashes – Barney kissing him, or was he kissing Barney, he didn’t know – and glints – him burying his hands in Barney’s hair, tugging, yanking, eliciting small grunts of approval from the blonde man -  who was suddenly underneath him, their collective weight making indents in the couch cushions and their hands everywhere and Barney tore at the buttons of his shirt and Ted loosened Barney’s tie – where was his own, oh yeah, on his head – and they weren’t laughing anymore because in between ragged gasps and kisses they didn’t have the breath for it. Robin and the boy she had been interviewing faded into the background in the guys’ frantic storm of touching and writhing and Ted holding on tightly to Barney’s head, plundering his mouth with his tongue, tasting the bitter remnants of scotch on the inside of his cheeks. “Ted” Barney hissed against Ted’s teeth as he finally managed to peel Ted’s shirt completely off of him. The cold air in the apartment – they hadn’t turned on the heater upon arriving home – felt almost icy against Ted’s heated skin.  
“yes?” he stopped kissing Barney’s face only to move onto his neck, savouring the small moans coming from Barney as Ted mouths his pulse point.  
“Bedroom” Barney gasped, “Robin’ll come home, she can’t find us here, it’ll ruin – “  
He broke off his words before he could finish and Ted idly wondered what it was that Robin’s arrival would ruin in Barney’s perspective. Was it this, their bizarre new thing? Had Barney wanted this? Could it be that Barney, like himself, wasn’t eager to get an out from this? Ted wanted to think that it didn’t matter what the thoughts behind their actions were but they were both still quite drunk and he had to make sure that Barney knew what he was getting into (not that Ted was really sure himself. The only thing he was sure of was that every nerve in his body was burning with a slow fire and that there were goosebumps on his skin and that he needed Barney’s lips back on him _now_ ). He stood up on shaky legs, reaching out to clasp Barney’s hand with his and pull him up next to Ted – or that was at least what he had attempted to do but he hadn’t accounted for Barney’s sudden situational balancing issues (a few too many drinks would do that to a bro) and he had to take a step back for better footing when Barney slumped into him, laughing strangely high-pitched before he got a hold of himself. Ted struggled against the other’s weight for a moment until he managed to get Barney entirely vertical. “Barney, are you sure this is – “ his words, sounding weirdly foreign and thick to his own ears, were cut short when Barney made a huff of impatience and pulled Ted with him by the wrist into the latter’s bedroom. After shutting the door with a bang he resolutely pushed Ted down onto the bed. Ted braced himself on his arms, gaping up at Barney, mouth open and eyes so large he was afraid they might pop out of his head. His head felt muddled, clouded, topsy-turvy and he could only stare at Barney as he took off his clothes, folding every piece of fabric neatly as he slowly revealed pale skin, smooth expanses and slender, muscled limbs. He looked down at Ted with soft eyes – had Barney’s eyes always been this expressive – and said, seemingly sure and steady, although his slightly unsteady movements betrayed him, “I’m sure. I might be kinda drunk but I’m sure”.  
Ted exhaled unevenly, Barney filling his vision as he came close, sliding up his body quick as a panther, hands searing into his skin, so hot that Ted wasn’t surprised if he would wake up to find marks there in the morning. “Okay” he whispers and hurries to get naked, kicking off his shoes and then his pants, peeling off his underwear.

So yes, that’s how they got here. Barney is hovering above him with a face that reveals only a hint of uncertainty, “Ted?”  
“yeah?” Ted says, pushing himself up to try and catch Barney’s lips again but he fails, slumping back onto the madras.  
“are you okay?” Barney starts stroking his cheek, almost tenderly, “do you want me to stop?”. His eyes widen a fraction in panic and genuine worry, “are you gonna be sick?”  
Ted chuckles, a quiet snorting sound, “I’m fine, Barney. Just zoned out a bit, I’m okay, really”. He leans into Barney’s touch, a weird moment of sweet intimacy, amazed at the subtleness of Barney’s mouth, how willingly it yields against his, opening up so that Ted can explore every bit of it. He moans into Ted’s mouth, a tiny sound, almost a whimper, and Ted wonders, interest suddenly very piqued, at how quickly Barney gives up control. He doesn’t seem to mind _at all_ when Ted flips them over so that he is lying on top of Barney – it clearly excites him – and when Ted pins his arms next to his head he gladly lets him. After some minutes of slobby making out, lips sliding messily against lips, Ted lets go of Barney’s wrists, opting to reach for something much more interesting. He know that he has found what he is looking for when Barney _whines_ and his eyes widen comically, a reaction to Ted making a fist around Barney’s cock. He strokes it into full erection, angry red and leaking with pre-come, and he tries to be gentle, take things slow, but it’s hard when he’s so drunk and he just wants to get to it and Barney is urging him on with those ridiculous, ungodly, almost profane sounds he is making. A particularly needy sound is punctuated with a rough grunt, Barney’s mouth forming Ted’s name, and Ted looks down at Barney, eyebrow raised in question and hand rubbing his dick unperturbed by the disturbance. Barney’s an exquisite sight as he lays there, sweaty and trashing, meeting Ted’s movement with his hips, almost cross eyed with desire for him. He looks so hungry, so ravenous for Ted’s touch and it thrills Ted that he can unravel Barney so completely.

“Ted, let go, stop, I need to – “  
Ted lets go immediately, if a little reluctant – he loves seeing Barney’s face alight with pleasure – but he doesn’t want to let his own needs get the best of him, he wants Barney to enjoy this like he does.  
He says breathily, head spinning, “What is it, are you alright?”  
“I want you”  
Well, if Ted wasn’t already sure that he wanted to do this, this is the coup de grace; he is hopelessly hooked. His hand drifts back to where it had been before, the other one cupping Barney’s cheek, “I want you, too, I want you to feel good, baby”. The word slips from his lips like it’s a natural thing, he doesn’t even stop to consider it, drunk on the man beneath him. He peppers kisses in all the places he can reach, smiling at the way Barney’s breathing quickens at every reverent stroke on his cock, Ted’s hand having returned to his previous position, “how do you want me?”. He is a bit bemused by how the situation seems reversed – Barney has always given them the impression that he was the one who dominated in his relationships and though Ted has been with women who knew exactly what they wanted and went for it, Ted has never had someone so fully at his mercy. But it clearly turns Barney on, if his laboured inhalations are anything to go by.  
“I…” perhaps this role change is new to Barney, too, “I want you inside me, I – “ he looks into Ted’s eyes, his own molten with pleasure, “I want you to fuck me, Ted”. And Ted is convinced that his blush is so furious that he will catch on flames. He feels feverish and dizzy with anticipation and both his voice and his knees are wobbly when he says, “are you sure?”

“yes” Barney replies evenly and then he does something that to Ted is so entirely bizarre and unlike Barney that he has to process it for a few seconds before reality come crashing down. Because Barney suddenly, swiftly, purposefully, moves his hand in between his legs and utters a single, strangled moan. Lightning travels up Ted’s spine when he realizes that Barney is preparing himself on his own finger – for Ted. And the electric sensation inside him only intensifies when Barney makes a tiny, pained sound, his head thrown back in ecstasy and his lithe body tangling with Ted’s own, firmer one – Ted feels all the delicious friction reverberating in his bones – and Barney is abandon and sin personified, eyes swimming with pleasure and blonde hair strewn across the blue pillowcase like a halo. There is a faint shine coming through the window from the streetlamps outside and it softens the hard edges of Barney’s face, making him look like he is built from silk and feathers and shimmery things. Okay, it might be possible that Ted is still drunk although the sight of Barney bouncing on his own finger – no, fingers – helps sobering him up quite a bit. He wants to do something, he needs to touch Barney, like, right now and so he does. He grabs his friend’s hand, the one he isn’t using to stretch himself, and holds it, entwining their fingers and giving Barney’s a gentle squeeze. A small smile slips over Barney’s face, quick as a thought, and then he laughs, loud in the silence between them, “fucking do me, Theodore”.

And Ted does. He doesn’t know how he manages it, breathless mess that he is, but he must have gotten it right because he is down between Barney’s legs, massaging his tights before he pushes into him as careful as he possibly can. When he is entirely seated inside Barney, all the way to the hilt – God, he’s tight – it’s only sheer force of will that prevents Ted from moving. His legs are quivering with the effort of staying still while Barney adjusts to his girth and Barney’s whimpers are not making things any better. Just when Ted thinks he won’t be able to hold back anymore Barney’s entire body relaxes visibly, a sigh coming from him. He gives a terse nod and says, voice almost broken to pieces, “now, now”.  
“You sure?”  
“Yeah”

And Ted’s hips snap forward forcefully and he almost sobs with relief at finally being able to move, which he takes full advantage of. He sets a leisured pace at first to let Barney adapt properly, but soon the blonde start to meet his thrusts, wrapping his legs firmly around Ted’s waist and impaling himself on his cock. His small cries spurs Ted on and he speeds up, going directly from shallow rolls to ramming into Barney with all his strength. His own strangled moans start to accompany Barney’s own and after only a dozen or so thrusts he can feel himself getting closer to the edge, penis painfully hard. But he needs to last a bit longer because he is having field day and Barney looks so, so good and he never wants this to end, this wonderful feeling furling in his gut. So he starves off his release and waits for Barney. He suspects it won’t be that long when Barney flings back his head in utter abandon, clawing at Ted’s back with both hands as a string of incoherent almost-words tumble from his lips. Ted succeeds in deciphering on of them, then another and another and it is Barney half-sobbing, “Ted, Ted, Ted” and Ted finds himself calling out Barney’s name because by God, if Barney isn’t the most erotic sight Ted has ever seen and it only makes the hot lump in the pit of his stomach grow to unbearable size. He throws himself against Barney, picking up a faster speed than he thought that he was capable up, pounding into Barney and groaning loudly. Barney mutters suggestively into Ted’s ear, sensually and eyes fogged over with want, need, “please, I’m not gonna last, I’m going to – “

“Come for me, Barney” Ted says, voice surprisingly measured, and, well, there is a sentence he never thought he would say to one of his male best friends but he shrugs off the weirdness and takes a hold of Barney’s dick, stroking it swiftly, making Barney howl. And then he does come all over Ted’s hand, coating both their chests with sticky white before falling back on the pillow, totally spent, muscles tremoring the exertion. After a few more desperate, jerky movements Ted follows him over the brink, shouting Barney’s name, his orgasm crashing over him like a tidal wave. His arms and legs quivers with the effort to hold himself. Then he lets go, tumbling limply onto Barney’s chest, never mind the dampness between them. He wraps his arms around Barney’s chest because he is sort of afraid that if he doesn’t hold onto something he will float away on this cloud of sensation.

They lie like that for a couple of minutes, getting their breathing under control, until Barney carefully untangles himself and leaves the room. Ted doesn’t know what to think – Barney’s not going to leave, is he? His clothes are still in Ted’s room but then again, Barney has walked through the streets of New York in his birthday suit before, who’s to say that he wouldn’t do it again? Ted covers his face with his arm, overwhelmed. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen now, how they will face their friends tomorrow, but he knows that he isn’t ready for Barney to go away. He is just about to panic and regret every decision he has ever made but then Barney is standing in the doorway, gloriously naked and with a wet towel in his hand. He grins, teeth flashing.  
“I thought that you were going to pull your Terminator thing on me” Ted says and he hates how unsure he sounds.  
Barney crawls into bed with him and cleans up them both thoroughly. He doesn’t say anything for the first few minutes, the silence easy between them. But Barney doesn’t know that Ted’s heart is beating a crazy staccato rhythm and that an unwelcome soberness has sent his brain into overdrive, every scenario he can think of worse than the one before. Out of nothing a hand rests lightly on Ted’s chest and Barney is leaning against him, his body a heavy and reassuring weight beside Ted. Barney reaches for Ted’s arm and hooks it around his shoulders so that they are suddenly embracing and Ted pulls Barney closer so that he’s flush against him and Barney exhales in a soft whoosh, relaxing completely. The frantic beats of Ted’s heart calm down and he can breathe properly once again.  
“Don’t Ted out” Barney says, the air from his lips tickling Ted’s collarbone, “I’m not going anywhere”.  
“Why not?” Ted needs to ask, needs to put his doubt out there, “why not go home? We’re done with the drinking, we’re done with this, this thing” – he doesn’t know what to call it – “so why don’t you go home?”.  
“I’d…” Barney seems as a loss for words but then he squares his shoulder as much as one can do that when nestled in someone else’s arms, “I’d rather be here. With you. Can I?”  
Ted isn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. “Of course. Do we need to talk about this? “  
Barney replies, his voice quiet and solemn, as he tugs the duvet around himself and Ted, “yeah. But tomorrow, okay?”  
Ted stifles a yawn, feeling very content with the knowledge that Barney is taking this seriously – a fact he is also a little awed at. But it can all wait till they have had some sleep, till the alcohol has left their systems completely. He doesn’t know what the morning might bring but he isn’t worried because Barney is suddenly sleeping soundly besides him, face scrunched up in concentration and so adorable to look at, and they’re going to figure this out. Ted decides that he doesn’t regret this night one bit.  
“alright. Tomorrow, then”


End file.
